What does it feel like to become a mother again - this time to a latecomer?
Becoming a mother again, so many years after having my two older children, is something quite special and difficult to put into words.
It feels like being allowed to relive something wild, raw, hard, and wonderful, but with new, gentler eyes and a calmer, more trusting heart.
It doesn’t feel like stormy weather and intense hormonal waves, but more like standing on solid ground. Not because it’s always easy, but because experience has taught me that the difficult periods pass. There is less worry and less focus on doing things “right,” and more space for presence and enjoyment. I also experience time differently now - more deeply - and I know how quickly it passes.
What has surprised you most about this third journey into motherhood, and how has the dynamic between the children changed?
One of the things that has surprised me most is how unifying it has been for our family and what a gift it has been for our older children.
Our two older children look at Sommer with a love free from sibling rivalry and competition for attention. Their patience, care, and the way they reflect love touches me deeply.
When I see all three of them together, I can feel a new kind of connection between them - a thread I never imagined.
Rituals don’t have to take long. Even just a few minutes of stillness or calm breathing can make a big difference.
Small Moments
What has been the most challenging part of having a child when everyday life is already established?
The guilt that has occasionally crept in. Sommer was born into a life with school, extracurricular activities, and fixed routines, and to a greater extent she has had to “fit into” the life that already existed. That was difficult for me to accept at first. But I have learned that even though everyday life is more structured this time, she still feels the love and closeness around her - both from us as parents and from her siblings.
You work with the body, the nervous system, and calm - how do you use that knowledge in your family life?
I know that as humans we co-regulate, and that our mere presence affects each other’s nervous systems. That’s why it’s important to me that we prioritize what creates calm and safety - both together and individually.
We have made conscious choices to create more presence in our family life. Flexibility in my work life has made it possible to adapt everyday routines to our family’s needs and to make room for the small moments where we can check in with each other.
Are there any rituals or small moments that help you find presence in everyday life?
Yes. Small, simple rituals. My morning coffee - the first cup is enjoyed in calm. A moment on the yoga mat while Sommer naps. And almost daily walks in nature, even on days when I’m tired, it feels overwhelming, or the weather is grey. Rituals don’t have to take long. Even just a few minutes of stillness or calm breathing can make a big difference.
Everyday Happiness
How would you describe the atmosphere in your home?
It’s warm, calm, and unpretentious. There is room for laughter, mess, and relaxation.
We eat dinner together (even when it’s just rye bread), we support the children in their extracurricular activities, we drink hot cocoa with whipped cream and eat popcorn on the sofa - on an ordinary weekday, hug each other goodnight, and enjoy Sundays without plans. For me, a safe home is a place where we take care of one another, where you can be yourself and know that you are loved and accepted exactly as you are.
How do you think about sleep in your family?
Our children have consistent bedtime rituals, and when Sommer wakes during the night, I try to meet her with calm and safety. My knowledge of the nervous system makes me very aware of not stressing about night-time disturbances, but instead regulating myself so I can be the calming anchor for her.
Sometimes that means going to bed earlier or slowing down the pace. For us, sleep is not just about hours, but about regulation, safety, and balance.
What does everyday happiness mean to you right now?
Everyday happiness is the sum of the small moments where love and presence are felt, even in the midst of mess, busyness, and tired days. A long hug from the children before bedtime. A smile from Sommer first thing in the morning. A cup of coffee served in bed by my husband. Moments that aren’t planned, but arise from safety, love, and acceptance of one another.
For me, a safe home is a place where we take care of one another, where you can be yourself and know that you are loved and accepted exactly as you are.
