Life is busy in the family’s 1960s home. This is where Emma and Nikolai live with their three boys: Eskild, Freddie and the youngest member of the family, five-month-old Uffe. Eskild can talk non-stop about rare animals and Pokémon. Freddie is almost always singing or humming, and Uffe? Well, as the little brother of two older boys, he already has to put up with quite a lot.

“There are always friends over to play, with cuddly toys and other toys everywhere. Uffe has to put up with a lot, but he takes most things in his stride,” Emma says.

Life as a mum of three certainly hasn’t become any quieter. And yet, in some ways, it has turned out to be easier than Emma had imagined. While the transition from one child to two was a big adjustment, going from two to three has been surprisingly straightforward – perhaps because Uffe has joined a family that has already found its own rhythm. And perhaps also because Emma herself has changed along the way. 

Going from Two to Three Was Easier Than Expected

There are five years between Uffe, and his closest older brother, Freddie, and the age gap has turned out to have its advantages. Eskild and Freddie are now old enough to do plenty of things on their own – and, most importantly, they have each other.

“The two older boys are best friends. They share everything: friends, a bedroom, interests and toys. So I was a little nervous about how they would react to having a baby in the family.”

As it turned out, there was no need to worry. Both older brothers have welcomed Uffe with open arms and are incredibly attentive towards him. Freddie, in particular, is almost “obsessed” with his little brother, as Emma puts it. He wants to be close to him, talk to him and fuss over him whenever he gets the chance. At the same time, the boys’ ages mean there is also room for Uffe to enjoy some peace and quiet and time alone with his parents. The older boys are busy with their friends from the neighbourhood, the trampoline and their Pokémon cards, while Uffe accompanies Emma and Nikolai through their daily routines. When Eskild needs to be dropped off at school before eight o’clock, Uffe simply comes along. And it works.

“There’s chaos, but so much love,” as Emma puts it.

“I’ve Become Less of a Perfectionist with Each Child”

When Emma became a mum to Eskild at the age of 25, there were plenty of things she felt needed to be done just right. Eskild had to be dressed nicely. He had to eat the right things. There were baby movement classes to attend, and everything was supposed to be under control.

Three children later, things look a little different.

“Now I don’t even care whether the boys are wearing matching socks. Freddie always wears his clothes inside out, and we’ve usually forgotten something by the time we leave the house. But somehow, it always works out.”

That doesn’t mean Emma has stopped caring about her surroundings. Quite the opposite. She describes herself as someone with a deep appreciation for aesthetics. She loves beautiful design and inspiring spaces, and every detail of the family home has been carefully considered. But beautiful surroundings should never get in the way of living. Everything in their home has a purpose and is meant to be used. The children are allowed to jump on the sofa, and if something gets spilt on the carpet, it’s not the end of the world. Over time, Emma has also become better at choosing where to focus her energy:

“I’d much rather spend my energy being present with my children than stressing about everything.”

Things get forgotten. Socks don’t always match. The laundry piles up. And somehow, the family still manages to get out of the door.

Emma feels that same sense of calm when it comes to sleep. As a first-time mum, one bad night could set the tone for the entire following day – especially when it came to her mood and energy levels.

“I used to spend so much energy worrying about sleep. These days, I’ve learnt that a bad night doesn’t have to mean a bad day. I can always have a nap, and I just don’t focus on it as much anymore.”

With Uffe, the family now tries to follow whatever rhythm works for them at the moment. He is five months old and usually has three naps during the day – sometimes in the parents’ bed, other times in the pram or in his cradle. Uffe enjoys gentle movement when he needs help settling down, and Emma often finds that singing to him helps too. In the evening, he is put to bed at around 8 pm, where he sleeps in his cradle until he wakes up for a feed at around 11 pm. After that, he joins his parents in their bed, where he spends the rest of the night, waking a couple of times to breastfeed.

“He almost always settles down when I put him in the cradle. He just lies there looking at his little lamp, which projects tiny flower shapes onto the ceiling.”

That’s the rhythm that works for the family right now. And when it changes, they’ll figure things out when the time comes.

When a Calm Baby Means More Time for Mum and Dad

It actually wasn’t that long ago that the cradle had a completely different place in the house. At first, it stood in the living room, where Uffe used it for his longer daytime naps. But as his naps have become shorter, the family has moved the cradle into the bedroom, where it has now become a regular part of his evening bedtime routine. It helps Uffe settle down – but it has also given Emma and Nikolai something that can be hard to come by in a family with three children: time alone together.

“He sleeps in it for a good couple of hours in the evening, which means my husband and I can relax on the sofa together. Some much-needed grown-up time to recharge our batteries.”

Because when you become a family of five, those little moments of peace don’t necessarily have to be spent doing laundry, tidying up or ticking another task off the list. Sometimes, the most important thing is simply being able to sit together on the sofa – as two adults, not just as parents.

Emma has always known that she wanted to be a mother. Today, when she looks at Eskild, Freddie and Uffe, and the family life she and Nikolai have built together, what she feels most of all is pride.

“I’m so proud that I chose Niko to be the father of my children. He’s the complete opposite of me, and that’s exactly why we complement each other so well.”

Their home is often a little messy. The family is almost always behind on the laundry, and dinner, in Emma’s own words, “somehow always manages to catch us by surprise”. But there is also room: room for play and creativity, for an extra friend at the dinner table – and for being a family where not everything has to go right the first time.

“We’re not perfect parents, but we’re good at learning from our mistakes, talking things through, saying sorry and making room for big feelings.”

And the same goes for those nights that don’t quite go according to plan.

“I’ve become so much better at just letting things go – that’s life with kids. Luckily, another night will soon come around, so it’ll all work out.”

Perhaps that’s the biggest difference between having your first and your third child: not that everyday life has become any less chaotic, but that Emma has become better at finding peace in the middle of it all.